I’m A Trans Woman And I’m Not Interested In Being One of the “Good Ones”
Posted by Vivian on May 15, 2013
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A month or two after I started living full time out as woman, one of my friends suggested I talk to an acquaintance of his, an older trans woman who had been out for years. ... What actually happened was that she showed up and asked why I wasn’t dressed like a woman. I was wearing skinny jeans, a studded belt, and an ironic t-shirt. I liked how I looked. I looked, in my opinion, like a queer woman in her mid-twenties on her day off, which, shockingly, I was.
But no, I was informed, I wasn’t being a woman right.
She was neither the first nor the last person to inform me that I’m doing it wrong. ......
I’ve been told that if I’d only start pitching my voice up, or stop wearing pants, or start wearing make up, I could totally pass, that no one would have to know the shameful secret that I’m a trans person.
It’s a great double bind. If you present in a traditionally feminine way, you’re just being a misogynistic parody of a woman, and if you fail to present in a traditionally feminine way, well ha! There’s the proof that you’re not really a woman right there. But I’m done with it. You can be trans or cis. You can be super femme, you can be ultra butch. You can be straight or queer. You can have people saying you’re a transcendent beauty who just stepped off a Renaissance canvas, you can have people saying you’re a stomach turning monster. You can be a light in the world who every person you meet loves and devotes themselves to, you can be an awkward storm cloud who drives everyone away.
I don’t care. Sun shines and rain falls on the just and unjust alike. I don’t want to know who the Real Good Ones and the Real Bad Ones are. We’re all people. We all deserve to be treated as valued members of humanity. That’s all.
Read the full article here...
The terrible killing in Orlando seem to have a number of complex dimensions and even the FBI have a great deal of work to do in establishing the background and dynamics - not helped by Trump and co. It is a little difficult therefore (unless one is Donald Trump) to be too dramatic in reflection on it. Yet, as we shared a moving vigil last night in my regional community, organised through the gradually emerging local LGBTI community, I was also left wondering whether this horrendous event may yet be part of a watershed.
I am struck, for example, by the way in which several US Catholic bishops have responded in a sensitive and humbled manner to LGBTI people. Maybe such awful carnage may bring some to at least slow the sex and gender wars? Certainly in my community, amid the sorrow and solidarity, there was a sense in which such an event cannot roll back the past but rather it will empower us to a new level, finally nailing homophobia, for example, as what it is - a (self) destructive mental illness afflicting individuals, particular groups and society as a whole.
In my community, this was only the second time the local council had also affirmed the LGBTI community publicly - lighting up a new central bridge in rainbow colours (and a good deal more easier to get permission this time round than for IDAHOT) - and I was impressed by the brilliant mutual networking at such short knowledge and the articulate confidence of some of our young people attending: light in the darkness for sure.
Last week I heard Susan Cottrell, a strong US Pflag and LGBTI ally, speak about the journey she has made with the LGBTI community. Someone asked if marriage equality had made a positive difference in the USA - yes, she said, but also no: it had driven some hardliners into deeper denial and anger about their 'defeat'. Perhaps the Pulse killings are a symptom of that negative aspect. I suspect however that they may also be impelling a fresh decisive stage in the growing watershed of more compassionate change.
How many actresses look alike these days, how many young girls try to copy a body style or look that has been dictated by the media and marketing people? Is it possible that we are falling into the same trap.
I am currently in Phuket having just completed the last phase of my GRS and yesterday I enquired about seeing a surgeon about FFS while I am here, in particular my nose, it's big. Shortly after arranging to see the Doctor my Daughter rang me. I said about enquiring about FFS and my Daughter's response was, "but you wouldn't be you".
Germaine Greer is an opinionated old bat who has done a lot (IMO) for the advancement of the cause of women throughout her life and has opinions that I sometimes agree with and sometimes not. She is not convinced of the legitimacy of the transgender argument...so what? Are we so tender that we cannot allow a dissenting voice to our cause?
Now not for a moment am I saying that everyone is naive for that is simply not true but after watching a program last night about the paratrooper who transitioned I had a bit of a think. I have seen in real life and on other programs including that last night an idea that self acceptance will lead to acceptance of others. To some degree that is true however the undercurrent of society is to be concerned about that which is different especially when it is not understood.
In this article I'm going to try to put acceptance in some sort of context, in the hope that it will help us achieve positive outcomes as a community. Using quotes from the gay community as an example, I’ll try to illustrate how the attitudes of society might evolve over time.
I was asked this year to speak at the transgender gender day of remembrance. I must say that the thought of public speaking didn't appeal very much. But as I have had a lot to say this year I guess it was appropriate. I am not really a big fan of such solemn occasions and thoght I would have to reiterated the need for a strong community. I have a belief that community is the answer to many of the problems that face it if only we can learn to embrace it. I am posting this here as a point of discussion it is directed in part at my local community but I believe it speaks generally more broadly. So here's what I said.
I have lived in Thailand off and on for 16 years with twice yearly visits to Australia. During that time it has been interesting to observe the cultural differences in attitudes to crossdressers and transgenders in Thai society.
Most have heard of the lady-boys in the sex industry but many choose to work in other occupations.
Further to the debate about have we a voice and the lack of protection under the various state Anti Discrimination and EEO Laws I have been researching the different ACTs in this country to determine how they affect us all and which ones need to be changed to make them Transgender friendly. This is a long post so I hope it all fits.